Koi No Yokan

That’s when I saw him. I didn’t know who he was, where was he from and where was he going. His face was marked by this short stubby nose and a half crooked smile — there had got to be no charm whatsoever there. He was definitely far from what I considered to be handsome. I mean after all those Korean dramas I watched, I kind of expected my ‘love at first sight’ moment to be a little more grandiose — not that I had anticipated a tall handsome rich guy to fall head over heels for me (not that I would complain) but this was truly a little lacking. And yet here I am feeling some sort of weird attraction.

Koi no yokan. I read it about this morning on an article mom printed out about words that do not exist in the English language; it means a feeling that we will soon fall in love.

Heck, I didn’t even know if he was single, let alone fall in love, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that this is it even despite all my internal complaints.

So there I stood, in my fuchsia coat, awkwardly holding my left arm with my right, in a room of people in black sweaters and navy blue blazers. Dreadful colors.

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Koi No Yokan

Alice

She’s a stupid one. That Alice girl. Still waiting for her husband. Look at that damn shack of a house he left her in. No running water. Holes in the wall. Cold in the winter, hot in the summer. Stupid fan puttering in the corner, brushing up dust balls left and right, making me cough. Ain’t left her no money to fix up the place either. What’s a girl like her gonna do? Waiting for him, saying foolish things like he ain’t divorced her yet. Well I’ll be damned if he even knows what a divorce is. They weren’t even legally married. Liz didn’t care. As long as he took Alice off her hands, Liz could care less. What a mother that woman was!

Poooite!

Yeah well. Gone off to war. That’s what Marty said to her. Stupid girl. Believes everything he tells her. What war? I’ll be damned if he has anything to do with the war. He can’t even point out where Nebraska is on a map, doubt he knows where the war is. ‘sides, he’s a darn coward, that Marty. Was too chicken to work in the grind house. He ain’t got balls to fight in no war. He just darn right left her and he ain’t even got the manners to make a better excuse.

That stupid girl. Stupid stupid girl. Better off married a cow. At least a cow’s got a four good working legs and no complaints.

“Mama, mama!”

“Didn’t I teach you manners?”

“Miss Alice, she’s got visitors. A lot of visitors.”

“Now didn’t I tell you not to be nosing in other people’s business?”

“It’s bad news mama,” he said, “it’s the Mister — he’s dead.”

Alice

The Aftermath

I want to sleep but I don’t have the courage to close my eyes
for fear of what I might see when I
open them tomorrow morning

Out the window she stood under that lamp post
with the yellow umbrella I gave her last October
and that green scarf I liked
Her hair in the wind; her brown eyes staring at the gutter
seeing her reflection from the dirt stained ground

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The Aftermath